It's raining outside, soft and steady, and I am reminded how much I love the sound of rain. I also love to listen to church bells, and geese flying by, and horse's hooves. But right now I think rain might be my favorite.
The boys in my family are boating today, and I was sad I would have to spend a Saturday without Bry. But with the rain, my jasmine tea, and nothing to do, it's actually been pretty relaxing. And I'm feeling thankful.
On Tuesday I came back from a meeting at the crisis pregnancy center where I volunteer and found two parking tickets in my car window (one for facing the wrong direction and one for exceeding the time limit...$75). Seriously, isn't volunteering my time enough of a sacrifice? Later that afternoon I dropped my Macbook Air over the edge of our deck and completely shattered the screen. It was at that point that I realized I hadn't backed up any of my writing so far for my class this semester (about 35 pages worth) and my first packet is due this Thursday. It was a bad day.
I freaked out for a bit, but then calmed down enough to pray for help with my attitude and then help getting my writing back. The second prayer was tougher. It's hard for me to pray for that sort of thing. I know God is real and that he loves me, but I have a difficult time believing that He does hear me and He does care even about the relatively insignificant things.
After I prayed, I opened my computer back up and was suddenly able to calmly figure out a way around the problem. It was completely God and I cried. It sounds like a small thing but it felt very important. I think I hold God at arms length because of my own struggle with faith.
And there is another silver lining behind the storm clouds. Losing my laptop has made me think about the rhythm of my days. We've decided not to buy another laptop, but to purchase a desktop computer instead. I think this will help me to be more focused with my writing because it will force me to schedule in structured writing time with a real desk and chair. And I also think it will cut down on the amount of time I waste online. It's too easy to carry a laptop around the house with me and mindlessly turn to a screen when I have a spare minute. I want to be there completely for my girls, to look in their eyes and live out my purpose and my mission right now as their mom. And for myself, I want to experience my day more fully and more intentionally.
So, that's me seeing the blessings behind the inconveniences.
3 comments:
:) sorry about the computer-glad you have your writing.
aww... loved this post Ash but not the smashed computer :/ I totally have had days like this recently and have been convicted about the very things you mentioned. God is constantly surprising "me of little faith" :)Thankful you were able to have a sweet moment with Christ even if it happened through something that seemed like plan "B" but all along was plan "A" for Him.
Arg don't you hate when stuff like that happens? I am glad you were able to salvage all your work (I would have been freaking out about that much writing being gone, much less the computer!). I love your perspective and how you are finding good in an inconvenience. :) Miss you!
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