For My Blog Friends...

I am currently obsessed with:  I'm not really an obsessive type of person. I like balance. Anytime that I sense that I'm becoming even slightly obsessed with something, I cut back on it. Or I just get bored with it. So maybe I'm obsessed with balance. 

My biggest pet peeve is: Hmm. I hate it when people don't answer me when I'm talking to them. OK, maybe just when Bry does that. I also really don't like it when people are rude to strangers (or to anyone, I suppose). It just doesn't seem that hard to me to be polite, patient, and kind in public. I have a much harder time with that at home...

I could eat an endless supply of: Pasta, good bread, couscous, rice...carbs in general

I am currently reading: I just finished, Nothing to be Afraid of by Julian Barnes (SUCH a clever, intelligent writer, though some of his content is definitely a little sketch). And I just started, Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealy. I'm doing a lot of reading about death and illness for my grad school program...so yeah, it's a party over here.

My bedtime recently has been: Usually after midnight, though we're TRYING to get to bed earlier so we can survive past 40.

The last movie I watched was: Skyfall (yes, we're pretty behind in the movie world due to the fact that we seldom have time to actually sit down for that long)

I am writing this while: Poppy is playing upstairs in her room and Cetty is napping. So, I should probably be using this rare bit of quiet time to read the Bible or clean the house or something. Update: Poppy is now sitting on my lap, singing a little made up song, holding my fingers back from the keyboard, and pushing random buttons. (so you can blame all typos on her)

The scripture that is really speaking to my heart is: I'm reading through Captivating with my ladies' Bible study group and working through Matthew with BSF. So I've been learning a lot about Jesus' ministry and also about how God designed a woman's heart to mirror his own and offer something beautiful and valuable to the world. Both studies have been amazing in different ways.

On days when I don’t leave the house, I: This actually happens quite frequently for me. Going out with the girls seems like a lot of work and I don't feel the need to be around people constantly, so if I don't have a good reason to go out then I usually don't. When I'm home I'm busy trying to keep the girls fed, happy, and feeling loved...and I manage to accomplish surprisingly little beyond that. Maybe I'll read something, clean something, email someone, or make baby food. Or maybe not.

If I could hug anybody today, it would be: My Poppyseed, my Cettybugs, or Bry are all very nice to hug.

Being a Mom

Oh my goodness. So, I've decided that being a mom is hard.

Yes, it's physically draining. The lack of sleep combined with the daily monotonous tasks of lugging fifty-pound car seats around, cleaning up yet another dirty face (or diaper, or dish, or pile of toys...), and completing the sacred rituals required for finally putting your children to bed at the end of a looong day can feel like it's slowly sucking the life out of you. Can I get an 'amen' on that?

But it's the mental gymnastics that really wear a person out. There's just so much to worry about. Are they still breathing? Will this plastic give them cancer? Should I take them to the doctor for this? Why don't my children ever want to eat? (unless it's the middle of the night, of course) Should I vaccinate them? Am I disciplining enough? Am I disciplining too much? Am I disciplining correctly? Am I showing my girls how to respect and love their husbands? Am I showing them the truth and power of the gospel? And what kind of world are they going to have to survive in twenty years from now?

I know it's wrong to worry and that I'll destroy myself and everything around me if I try to control it all. That's not my job. I know it means that I'm not trusting God. Not to mention that it's pointless. So I remind myself again that these are God's children. He's in control, so I can relax and enjoy them.

But then things happen. Such as...Poppy shattering a glass of smoothie all over the counter and my laptop a couple of days ago. I was not relaxed about this, nor did I enjoy her at this moment. No, I was very annoyed. And I had to apologize to her later for not being more patient. She graciously forgave me and then asked, "You need to be happy even when I break things?" Yes. I do. Kids can be so convicting.

OK, but that's not the story. Last night, I looked over and saw that Cetty had blood dribbling down her chin. I jumped up and started searching for where she might have hurt herself. It didn't look like anything was wrong. It must be coming from inside her mouth, I thought. Then I noticed that she was chewing on something. That's when I reached in and pulled out a sizable shard of razor sharp glass. What in the world?! I somehow missed this after sweeping twice. I mean come on, I even mopped yesterday (a very rare occurence). What would have happened if she had swallowed it?

So, I guess the moral of this little story is that there is nothing I can do to keep my kids completely and entirely safe. Not even inside my own home. In fact, this shouldn't even be the goal, because life isn't about being safe.

This, to me, is the hardest part of being a mom. It's the part where you have to surrender it all to God, and I'm finding out that I'm not always so good at that.